McCain, Palin and Gustav: The GOP Faces the Perfect Storm

If you're still scratching your head about Republican Presumptive Presidential Nominee, John McCain's Vice Presidential pick, Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, you might also be asking why he's rushed headlong into a hurricane. After literally eating cake while Katrina destroyed New Orleans, Senator McCain appears to be seeking redemption through the destructive force of the category 2 Gustav.

Independents: are you honestly buying this?

I know that the once liberal mass media has closed ranks around McCain, stifling giggles as well as outrage at McCain's choice of running mate, then scrambling desperately as one after another of her scandals have trickled out - despite the GOPedia's best efforts to stem the tide. First, her ethics violations came out. Then, we're expected not to believe our eyes when we see an allegedly third-trimester pregnancy looking as lean as she did seven months earlier; not to mention the miraculous story of her water breaking in Texas - which, conveniently, no one knew about - and then a woman having her allegedly fifth child managed to somehow hold it until the plane reached Alaska, some eight hours later, without complaining about contractions. Even if she's telling the truth, any other woman would be in jail for child endangerment. Further, how does a parent with a Downs baby make time for a political career? Who's taking care of this kid? Oh, that's right, she has a seventeen year old daughter at home, who's conveniently five months pregnant to dispell the dreaded "internet rumours."

Five months? Of course it's conveniently five months. Six months would raise the Republican's favorite tool of campaigning, the auld October Surprise - as in, "SURPRISE! No baby, and she's still not showing (just like mom)!" And four months pregnant wouldn't work either, since Trig was born in April. Pardon me, former Miss Congeniality, Alaska, but would you mind releasing your medical records - and a certified ultrasound for your daughter? Oh, and a DNA test of yourself, your daughter and your "son" for comparative purposes, if that's not too much trouble.

But Sarah Palin aside, why is Senator McCain going to Mississippi? Come on, Independents; don't tell me you think McCain isn't politicizing Gustav. I know that the GOPedia, including Time magazine, CNN and the major networks have their talking points in hand (and aren't ashamed to use them), but we're Independents! We're smart enough to read between the lines, believe our eyes, and not fall for the magic bullets that history is heir to. Senator McCain couldn't show more cynicism toward the city of New Orleans if he were to say, "Category 2 - that's not so bad. When I was a POW in the Hanoi Hilton, we had a real hurricane . . ." (Joe Lieberman pulls him aside, whispering in his ear, McCain nods, then returns to the mic), "Excuse me, it was a tsunami."

By going there, Senator McCain diverts law enforcement personnel from their vital tasks, such as controlling looting and rescuing people who aren't there for photo-ops. Yet the mainstream media unashamedly praise him for his choice to go to the Gulf of Mexico, just as they've managed to put on straight faces to rescue him from his self-inflicted disaster of choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate. Why haven't they asked him if he's seeking political redemption for Katrina? Why haven't they asked him why he's diverting these key personnel during a crisis? And why haven't they asked him if this isn't just more cynical politicking?

People died in Katrina. Died while Senator McCain and his beloved George W. Bush ate cake together. And now, as a means of distracting us from the sea of scandal swirling around his choice of running mate - whose only real qualifications seem to be a wealth of experience in the type of cronyism we, as a nation, have been forced to endure these last eight years - uses real tragedy as yet another Rovian weapon from the "permanent campaign" arsenal of distraction, fear and misinformation.

We're smarter than this, Independents. John McCain, who we have revered for his maverick legislative style, his straight talk and his forthrightness, for whatever reason, is no longer that person. His judgement on selecting Sarah Palin as his running mate without vetting her - arguably the most important decision he will make before entering the White House - was not sound. His decision to go to the Gulf of Mexico during a time of crisis and potential tragedy was both political and self-serving. No matter what the mainstream press tells us, we have eyes, ears, memories and minds. We read between the lines because the media are unwilling to print the facts without spinning them. We seek alternative news sources to find the pieces that the corporate press has left out all together. And then, somewhere in the garble of spin, misinformation and non-information, we converge to expose a corrupt and unreliable "Fourth Arm of Government."

AKA, John McCain's base.

Update: Hurricane Gustav has been downgraded to a category 1 as it moves inland toward the Louisiana-Texas border. It is thought that little damage occured, and due to the evacutions, the casualties are expected to be low. We can breathe a sigh of relief that this time, at least, tragedy wasn't in the cards. It also shows that we can learn from the lessons of history: evacuation saves lives.

A Letter to Prime Minister Kaczinski of Poland

Dear Prime Minister Kazcinski,

I understand that the meeting between yourself and Dr. Rice was productive - in a manner of speaking.

About that; Dr. Rice is currently serving a President that won't be in office for much longer (we hope). You see, a lot of us are happy to see Mr. Bush's backside - and it's not because he's wearing sweatpants with the word "juicy" stitched on the seat. After stripping us of most of our civil rights, failing to provide any kind of aid to the city of New Orleans and getting us entrenched in Iraq, there's not many of us willing to give him a favorable job reference.

Come to think of it, we probably should have guessed that a C-student from Yale with two failed businesses under his belt might not be the safest bet for POTUS. Then there was all of that time he spent on vacation his first year in office. You might have heard we're at war on two fronts, and, well . . . he's taken a sum-total of a year off during that time. I don't want to speak ill of him or anything, but Mr. Bush is what we here in the States call lazy.

I'll say this for him though: he does tend to get his way. With three simple letters (WMD) he managed to convince the House, the Senate and the American People to take complete leave of their senses. It's my understanding that one of your contemporaries, one Mr. Mikheil Saakashvili, took pot-shots at South Ossetia with assurances that if Mr. Medvedev shoved, Mr. Bush would give him sound thrashing he deserved. Only it didn't quite work out that way.

What happened was that Mevedev gave Saakashvili what amounted to a political wedgie; and not just any political wedgie: to put things in perspective, he had Saakashvili's briefs over the poor bastard's head, yelling at him, "Govorish' dyadya, Misha! Govorish' dyadya!" After the proctologist was finished picking the last of the double-weave cotton from Mr. Saakashvili's rectum, your Georgian associate called Mr. Bush and his good friend Senator McCain out on their promises for that "sound thrashing" of Russia.

Long story short, their response was to send a woman. Now, Dr. Rice is a smart woman, she's an expert on Russia . . . and this where I have to ask you, Prime Minister Kazcinski, do you have a good sense of humor? See, over here in America, sometimes when bullies are bored, they convince guys who normally get sand kicked in their faces to pick a fight with a rival bully. I have to tell you, having done this myself, it's a hoot. Hey . . . yeah you. You see that jerk over there? He thinks he's tough. You should go mess with him. Hurt you? Oh, no. He won't hurt you. Besides, if he does start thumping on you, don't worry: I have your back.

I gotta tell you, it just never gets old.

Anyway, we were talking about Dr. Rice. Yeah . . . um, as a smart woman who knows Russia, she kind of left a few things out. First, there's that whole, he thinks he's tough thing: the guy we're talking about is Russia; the bear doesn't have to think he's tough, he just is. If you want to find out just how tough, be my guest - it's your anus. Then there's that whole missile defense system: see, that's kinda like the you should go mess with him thing; It's gonna piss Russia off, and Russia's not exactly known for pulling their punches. Finally, there's that don't worry, I have your back thing: come on, dude! You don't actually believe that, right? Not after they left ol' Mikey's butt flapping in the wind (I mean, 'cause if you do, there's this bridge in New York - a so-weet investment for a nation like yours that needs a little extra income).

Anyway, good luck with Russia.

You're going to need it.

Update: (8-23-08) I don't mean to say I told you so, Prime minister, but . . . you get the idea. Following your highly publicized deal with Dr. Rice, Russia began talks of its own with Syria. The Western Media is, of course, trying to spin this (or simply not report it) so that Russia winds up being the bad guy. But can we possibly expect them to "lie supinely upon [their] backs, clinging to the delusive phantom of hope" that the U.S, with the aid of you hosting these interceptor missiles, might not achieve nuclear hegemony over them for the first time since Russia detonation its own atomic bomb?

Congratulations, sir. You may go down in history one day as the stooge who helped America start World War III.